I am getting closer to birth. It's something that literally happens every day around the world (*note to self, google daily birth stats) but I still feel myself stressing about the ceremony or rite of passage ahead of me. I feel a lot like I am standing on top of a trap door and I have no idea when it will open or where I will fall or for how long or where I will end up. Hopefully with a healthy baby and that will be all that matters. But I would be lying if I didn't also really want a peaceful and gentle natural birth deep down. When the sun is out, my anxiety ebbs about the whole thing a bit but as soon as the house is quiet and I am alone with my aching body and fearful mind, I am consumed with "what ifs" and "but then whats." And don't even get me started about what happens once the baby is here. So much unknown, so little time!!
In my traditional fashion of segueing from the heavily anxious to the fantastically sartorial, I have found a lot of success in non-maternity ribbed dresses this winter and this creme little number that was literally £20 from zara was a game changer. Suddenly I could still go out to nice dinners and still feel fancy. I liked that, I like that a LOT! So here I am, exhausted bc I wake up twice a night with pretty bad insomnia plus bathroom trips on top of that. Can't wait to see how much more tired I can get when baby is here! Hahahahaahaaaaaaaaaaaanyways. Here I am in my all-time fave all white ensemble at 37 weeks!
I really had hoped I would have been able to describe my pregnancy as 'graceful' but at least I am able to pick my dates and eat them too. Dates like the food, not like the calendar. Anyway, here is my journal at 4am one snowy London morning... xo Ashley