Hiya cuties! It's me. Happy Mother's Day! Ahhhh so I'm 36 weeks, almost 37 in 2 days and I am now suddenly very close to being a mom! So I wanted to write a letter to my Little One (who could technically come at any time now!) before the arrival to explore what Mothers Day means to me and share what I hope to share with my baby. And also I shot this visual diary with my favourite pants ever from Isabella Oliver to also remember 36 weeks and my final Mothers Day before shifting into a new role. HUZZAAH!!!
My dear Little One,
It’s me. Your mom. So surreal to externalise such a letter!
I have had you inside me for 36 weeks, which is disorienting because I still feel like I am still only 15 weeks pregnant somehow! Time seems to have regressed yet simultaneously stand still this pregnancy in a most disorientating way. My dear Little One, I am not going to sugar coat it. These 36 weeks have been very long and trying weeks. I have had debilitating migraines and all-the-time sickness for 25 of those weeks (to keep the list short) and then I spent 5 weeks recouping from a concussion after your cute little body sat perfectly on one of my crucial arteries, so I passed out and smacked my head onto a stone floor. That will probably be my most memorable christmas day that I won't remember! I have physically been absolutely thrown for a loop these past 9 months. Pregnancy has been the single most difficult thing, physically, mentally, and spiritually, I have ever tackled.
And you know what Little One? Every single second has been worth it.
You are worth it all.
So this is my first and final Mothers Day with you, my Little One, inside my body. And I have spent many hours, days, weeks mindfully curating what it is I hope to teach you in this life. To be honest, I have a feeling you will be teaching me much more than I will be teaching you. So with that in mind, I hope to learn alongside you the concept of self-worth. How much you are inherently and intrinsically worth. Just as you are. Just by being you. Your worth will never change. I also hope that you are happy and kind in this life, and that you find strength in sensitivity. (I am still working on all of those things.)
I also hope that whether you are a little boy or a little girl, that you may always value and cherish womenkind in this lifetime and help shift the paradigm of generations past into a more sensitive, and woke, frame of reference.
Mothers day is for all women. For the women who choose not to have children, for the women who are unable to have children, for the women who have lost children, for the women with strained mother relationships, for those who have lost mothers, those yearning to be mothers.
It is for all women around the world: beautiful and valuable and deserve to be celebrated every day. So I hope Mothers day will not change once I have you in my arms little one, but rather simply shift, as it has always been an beautiful day.
That said, I am very much looking forward to sharing this day with you for the rest of my life, along with all my days.
ME: Meeting the life that is still unknown to me, yet knows me so well. I am so curious who chose me to be their mother.
ISABELLA OLIVER: What have you enjoyed most about your pregnancy?
ME: Connecting with Little One via Yoga and mindfulness, and realizing after 6 weeks that it has been hiccups that I have been feeling! (From roughly 28 weeks, so cute!)
ISABELLA OLIVER: What do you do to unwind whilst pregnant?
ME: Bath, yoga, naps, walks, saying no.
ISABELLA OLIVER: What’s the best advice you’ve been given as a new mum-to-be?
ME: You don't need to accept everyone’s (read: anyone’s) advice. Everything *you* decide on during your pregnancy is the right thing for you and your baby. Also you don’t need to buy everything that stores tell you that you need for baby, and you don’t need to get a bigger flat, etc. Never forget: you are enough.
ISABELLA OLIVER: What 3 traits do you hope your child inherits from you?
ME: I hope Little One is completely his or her own being and there is no pressure to inherit anything from me. I just hope happiness and kindness are both on ‘the roster’ of potential.
ISABELLA OLIVER: Have you had any cravings?
ME: What's the opposite of having food cravings. I actually now hate food and I was the ultimate foodie pre-pregnancy. Haha! I've lost weight these last few months, but 100% not on purpose!! In the beginning my OB told me the best thing I heard all pregnancy: "Just try to survive" and that is pretty much all I have been able to do.
ISABELLA OLIVER: What’s your favourite piece from the Isabella Oliver collection and why?
ME: I am absolutely obsessed with these chequered plaid pants! I first started lusting after the idea of a cool navy plaid pant back in September!! But was heartbroken when I quickly was unable to wear any non-maternity pants...and I thought I was resigned to having a very bland pant selection to choose from...happy to be eating these words.
ISABELLA OLIVER: Has your style changed whilst pregnant?
ME: Honestly, not really. I had to retire my beloved Levi wedgies but to be fair I had sort of accidentally curated the perfect pregnancy wardrobe without realizing it over the years. I love large androgynous coats, oversized sweaters and tops, and comfortable footwear! I pretty much only had to find relevant pants and underwear!
ISABELLA OLIVER: What advice would you give for dressing while pregnant?
ME: Be comfortable and make sure you dress to make yourself happy! From head to toe!
I really had hoped I would have been able to describe my pregnancy as 'graceful' but at least I am able to pick my dates and eat them too. Dates like the food, not like the calendar. Anyway, here is my journal at 4am one snowy London morning... xo Ashley