Hiya cuties!! Cest moi. How I have suddenly arrived at 40 weeks after 3000 years of pregnancy, I'll never know.
Fun tip of the week for birth partners...don't try to tell your pregnant wife that she actually has not been pregnant 10 months, and that it's actually less, specifically 9.230 months; similar in the way to how one calculates rental amounts in London...that £500 per week is not actually £2000 per month. It costs in fact £2166.50 per month to live in a £500 per week flat in London. Plus utilities. You think it's fun to have someone tell you you have been in pain less than the amount of time they have been in pain?? It's not. Anyway. I'm ok now. Totally over it. lol lol lol lol.
Moving right along, you know how sometimes you think you have it all together and then you sob during your perineum massage? Ya, I feel u gurrllll. (Spoiler alert: It will take me weeks to unpack this little roller coaster moment I think.)
Anyway, this last last two weeks have been more of a mental marathon than the last 10 or 9.23 months, I’ve realised. I flip back and forth on a dime wondering out loud: “am I fit to be a mother” “am I sure I want/will be able to drag around a pram and a doggie all over London” “am I sure I want to have kids bc they will inevitably hate me for at least some duration of time in their life” “can I handle labour” “what will my life be like forever more” “will I be able to do this” “am I sure I want this” (cool timing to have these thoughts)
“I can’t wait to see who chose us to be their parents” “ I can’t wait to show this baby all the things I love..like flowers and blossom dearie music and puppies and nature and the ocean and ice cream” “I can’t wait to start this next chapter” “I can’t wait to see what my body can do in labour” “I’m so excited to explore different types and depths of love” “I can’t wait to have our own family”...
It literally took three days for me to mentally prepare to use clary sage oil. Bc I want omg I am so ready for the next chapter and to experience labour but...do I? (It hasn't worked btw haha still superrrr pregnant.) I have become accustomed to feeling actually awful the past ten/9.23 months and I’m terrified it will get worse in some new way when baby is here. That said, I’m trying to remember a lovely short story from a great book called mama, bare (noted in my beaux pregnancy book guide) where a new mother talks about how she prepared for all the awful and hard and lonely things to come during and post birth... but in retrospect she said she forget to prepare for all the lovely things too. Which is nice I thought.
So with that, I now have the mentality going into labour similar to after a night out, where you just need to throw up to get through it. The worst is likely to come but then it will get better. Or different.
I just gotta do it.
And in that way, I am ready to be a mother. Haha.
(Also it should be noted that we have finished the beaux baby nursery and suddenly I am able to move on from that stress onto other stress and fight surrendering/moving like water through this journey like a real normal person lol)