I remember early on walking Buzz in Hyde Park one lovely August day (roughly at 8 weeks), calling my husband in tears slumped on a bench bc I was struggling so much. I was 35 mins late (I know, RIDIC) to meet up w my aunt for a walk in Hyde Park. I couldn't walk fast bc pregnancy sickness plus our teeny puppy Buzz didn't walk straight so it was taking ages...plus I couldn't catch my breath and felt SO awful/woozy/nauseous and so endlessly alone bc no one knew I was pregnant...
Since getting (falling? being? what are words) pregnant this summer, my life had suddenly become an unglamorous routine of simply trying to eat beige food, sleep terrible sleeps, and drink water any way I can (I had to begin adding electrolytes bc water also made me nauseous so I was dehydrated! wooo!). Growing a human inside me made me instantly feel my body require a different pace of life.
But this last week you guys. This last week...everything changed!! I felt 90% for the first time in six month...IT WAS INCREDIBLE. I could get a christmas tree, ship off rugs for The Beaux Store, write blog posts, and get. the. h. dressed. I could eat normal food!! Hallloooo raclette (...well that's pretty beige actually) and mulled wine at the pear tree xmas fair!👋
Yet I am writing this now at week 23, back at square one. What the heck happened, body?? Nauseous and headache-y and unable to move quickly or get pants on. Screens again are a struggle which makes work difficult to say the least. Accomplishments are small and pathetic (one email, ate breakfast, took dog out, etc) And my need for at least 15 hours of sleep has returned (but of course illusive as sleep is restless & wakeful, NEAT.) I don't know how to share this part of my life well bc its not very instagrammable and people tune out when someone keeps it a bit too real on the internet. WHICH IS FAIR. I get it!
Since this is my first pregnancy, I am just trying to make sense of everything. I don't know why I am back to feeling awful esp. since the hormonal landmarks have come and gone and I was unaffected:"around weeks 8-10, the placenta takes over so you wont be morning sick anymore", "around week 12-13, you complete the first trimester and it will officially be smooth sailing as the fetus is more self sufficient", "week 16 is when everything truly gives and you can enjoy pregnancy", "week 20 is when I got the rosy glow of pregnancy and felt better than I did when I wasn't pregnant"....etc etc etc. How cool that that was the case for so many women!
Guess I'll have to keep you posted bc I haven't been able to connect with too many other moms or moms-to-be on this topic. :/ (see above missed landmarks...)
This upcoming week I am finally making the decision on how to birth this baby...trying to navigate through so many options whilst feeling so awful is not v. fun. But I am switching from consultant-led care at The Portland to midwife-led care at Chelsea Westminster after a long deliberation about having a home birth.
(I always wanted a home birth but at the end of the day, I decided a midwife-led birth would be a great alternative as I don't feel uninhibited or protected in our home. While it is a lovely flat, the walls are too thin and we have loud neighbors... I don't want to worry about anything. Women are super mammalian when giving birth and the closest thing I can create to a super safe and quiet cave away from intruders is my goal. I will be bringing lots of twinkle lights and soft lamps and music to Chelsea Westminster in my birth bag. 😎)
Joining me and my husband will be the first member of my birthing tribe: my Doula who I found back at 7 weeks pregnant. (I will do a post about all that though bc I spent abut 2 years pre-pregnancy doing all the research on london doulas etc. (a very barren and hard-to-research topic since it is so word of mouth.))
I ultimately decided I didn't want a consultant-led birth as I am fortunate to have a low-risk birth this time around (therefore I could decide) and I would like to pave the way to the most natural birth possible. Of course, I will ultimately have no say in how this baby chooses to be born but I would like to create an envirnoment with a doula etc. that could lower my chances for the need for intervention. That said, the only thing I am really hearing in every birth story I have sought out is that birth at its core is about surrendering and letting go bc I will not have control over this birth will go. I will only have preparation. (OMG SO OVERWHELMING)
Anyway I have my first midwife appointment at Chelsea Westminster this week to finalize it so wish me luck cuties!!
Hello, I love you can you tell me your name well I know your name you are named red nike shoes
Ace & Tate glasses (and obviously Celine) are literally the only two brands of glasses I wear. Both seeing and sunglasses. I am obsessed. I tried warby parker when I lived in the states...and I also have tried other designer glasses and nothing works on my face or lasts as well as Ace&Tate or Celine.
I really had hoped I would have been able to describe my pregnancy as 'graceful' but at least I am able to pick my dates and eat them too. Dates like the food, not like the calendar. Anyway, here is my journal at 4am one snowy London morning... xo Ashley