Happy Bank Holiday weekend PLayers!!!!!! what is up! what is the latest! heat wave in europe woooo! slash inclement weather self-dressing stress!
alright small talk: nailed that!
so ive been having lots of existential thoughts recently. not the traditional camus existential 'nothing matters' stuff but the like "life is so linear". we all are born, maybe go to school, probably deal with some real anxiety/guilt issues somewhere along the way, career career career, try to have some semblance of a relationship, struggle with work/family/life balance, maybe have kids, then we die. its literally the oldest story in the oldest book. (see, 'the bible' . or dont!!)
i am having problems with the whole 'WHAT-AM-I-DOING" question.
i recently found out i am super ok with not being a 100000% mile per hour, 'cant-turn-off' career woman. i do not like waking up at 630 am with a mid-cross fit workout heart beat. thats not for me. cool, good to know. BUT what gets my goat (never actually typed that phrase out before and realized i was not 100% confident whether it was 'goat' or the more logical 'goad' (not)) is that i get real anxiety/guilt when i acknowledge that maybe happiness for me wont come from a bajillion bucks in the bank or hustling the crap out of a more traditional career. and maybe i even want kids at some point?? then i hate that i even am worried that 'society' will judge me for not wanting it all like a 'real successful woman'. ugh, society! Dont even get me started!!!
i am pretty sure i have redefined my version of success in my mid-later 20s. used to be money, status, career. also its worth noting that my brother once told me when i was 21 that i was 'too old to make it as a stripper' so i will never know if that will ever define my success... so with that ruled out, i think finding my happiness IS success. (also guys i may actually be a 60 year old in a 29 year olds body...but lets be real cuz ive been 60 since i was born #inbedby10 #metaphorically #alsoliterally)
And happiness to me is small moments.
I like walking in nature, finding good matcha lattes, sometimes taking photos alone and other times of other people... basically i am really good at anything and everything that doesn't earn money.
so i dont know guys. it's almost noon and i havent yet had breakfast so maybe i should start with baby steps and just eat some stupid food. then i can tackle my existential crisis.
photos by @byvanessaleigh